As we wind down the Costa Rica stories, I need to share about the monkeys.  In advance of arriving at our rental house in the jungle, we were told to bring ear plugs, assured that this would be the only way to get a good night's sleep.  We brought them, and never used them once, because waking to the sound of howler monkeys is not a treat to be missed!

The rainforest that borders the Caribbean coast of Costa Rica is teeming with alien-like insects, flamboyant arachnids, an assortment of reptiles, avian delights from sophisticated hawks to flashy toucans, and mammals that include sloths (mentioned in April), margays and howler monkeys.  We happily enjoyed nearly all of these beings while relaxing at our jungle residence.

We arrived at our getaway in the dark of night - from what we could see, which was precious little in the starlight - the jungle was asleep.  At about 5:00 am, from our slumber in Playa Chiquita, we heard a barrage of noise - seemingly right behind our heads - nature's mix-master crossed a barking dog and mooing cow through a megaphone to create a deep throated roar.  Beyond our bedroom window, the howler monkeys had awakened.  

These are the second loudest creatures in the wild, allowing their voices to carry 2-3 miles.  And this troop was definitely nearby, because moments later, the howls made a ring around our house - some quite a distance by the sound of it.  Imagine being in the center of the wave at Fenway Park performed howler monkey style.  This link takes you to the closest version I can locate of what it sounded like.

As each troop woke for the day, they announced where they were in the world, staking out their territory and claiming the day as their own.  Neighboring families did the same.  With the setting of the sun, the same round-robin began again.  One leader called out where he and his 15-20 monkey family would be staying for the night, followed by other leaders within earshot chiming in.  It reminded me of the Waltons saying good-night to John Boy.

The craziest thing though - it truly did awaken me!  Not just to the day (because I allowed myself a few more winks of sleep), but to my personal resonance with the jungle and the beings that reside there.  If we've met, you may know I am NOT a "nature gal." To me, a screened porch is about as outside as I like it, unless seated at an outdoor bistro as someone serves me delicious eats.  I don't do bugs - in fact, unless it's feline formed, I'm generally not that interested.  But these monkeys!

With that first wake-up call, I became curious and open to what awaited me in this strange land.  I tried without success to capture images of half-dollar sized spiders that spun golden webs and butterflies painted to look like eyes.  One evening a grasshopper landed on my shirt, and stayed with me for two hours.  Only when it crawled up to my neck and tickled me, did I encourage it to change its course - and then it leaped away.

In the midst of this, my creative juices spurt as though I'd just bitten a lemon.  You know that feeling, when you bite into a lemon and there's that tingle in your jaw and your mouth is suddenly filled with saliva?  That's how enlivened my creativity felt - and it came just that fast.

My netbook now has a list of "Ideas and Musings" that bubbled up during this hiatus from day-to-day life.  My experience in the rainforest awakened a sleepy, if not dormant, part of me that bursts with energy, when given the space to do so.

Imagine, though, if I'd worn the earplugs!  We never know where our own wake-up call will come from.  It may be in the form of illness, a good book, the death of a loved one, a change of scenery, a new coach, or a howler monkey.  Whatever your next wake up call may be, pull out the earplugs and welcome it - embrace it - allow yourself to revel in the tingle of being awake!  

In my experience, we receive many such calls, and we only heed a few of them.  If life is for learning and thriving, listen in for the howls that rouse you from your slumber.  It's quite magical.

"Good-night John Boy," may you truly awaken tomorrow!

With love and curiosity, 
Joanne Lutz

Third Option Coaching  

Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative

www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com  

Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803

While in Costa Rica a couple of months ago, I fell in love with the creatures of the jungle.  Among them was the three-toed sloth. I knew nothing about this animal of the anteater family until my husband caught sight of one at the base of a massive mahogany tree about 10 feet from the house we'd rented.  When he spotted the creature on our first day, I ran to get my camera.  She politely waited for me.  When I returned with digital device in hand, I received a look of "Are you ready?  It's time for me to climb now." (that's her in the photo above)

Then, ever so slowly she hooked her claws on the vines that covered the tree.  One painstaking reach at a time, our neighboring sloth made her way into the canopy of leaves, moss, and vines, until she disappeared from view.  Her camouflage, so complete, once we lost sight of her, we never spied her again over the next week.  

We later learned, at the Jaguar Rescue Center, sloths only come down from their trees about once a week to defecate.  Even if their babies fall from the tree, they will only be retrieved if it coincides with a cyclical descent.  Already feeling grateful for the sloth's visit, I then realized how lucky we had been to witness her ascent.

Given how slowly sloths move (about 6.5 feet per minute), it's a wonder they don't face extinction.  In particular, the three-toed variety of sloth is considered a prehistoric animal; it has no sharp teeth (an herbivore) and its genitalia reside within the body instead of outside.  So, how does a prehistoric being survive in the modern-day world?

In addition to a coat of natural camouflage, a sloth's stillness encourages moss growth on the fur - Harry Potter's invisibility cloak couldn't do a better job in the jungle.  As further protection, parasites nestle in to feed on the moss resulting in an apparently dormant, smelly, moss covered creature that predatory animals find unappetizing!

Sound like any humans you know?  To fend off attraction, or in some cases to attract attention as a diversionary tactic, we manage to find our own brand of moss and parasites.  We may carry extra weight, withdraw into shyness in social situations, proclaim judgments on others or regularly pronounce the glass as half empty.  Depending upon your particular symbiotic relationship with this first glance defense, you may drink to excess, gregariously make everything into a joke, or physically present yourself as version of Lisbeth Salander.

What do all of these things have in common with the sloth?  No one gets closer.  The predators may stay away, but so do the companions.  A female sloth births only one baby a year, but can go well over a year before finding a male to mate with, because neither one leaves their own tree.  So while I love my three-toed sloth friends, I'm aware that their prehistoric nature does not provide a positive role model for an abundant human life.  We thrive on the connection to ourselves and others.  It doesn't serve our humanity to wrap too deftly in our defenses, because they stave off potential engagement with others in our species.

Think about what happens when we only show the defense.  Even if someone is brave enough to get past the smell, and curious enough to stick around a while, we may feel scared to drop the camouflage.  And yet, only when we reveal our true selves - our essence within, does the richness of relationship and the experience of being truly seen even become possible.

Wondering how this relates to you?  Sit for a minute with your connections to others.  Do you feel you are being your most authentic self?  If so, dynamite!  Then allow your curiosity to gently examine your "exterior package" and notice if you require your dear ones to get past a little moss before they get to you.  Do you genuinely want/need that moss? 

If you find that you're not experiencing the connections you desire, begin with envisioning how you would like to experience yourself differently.  If you met you, how would you treat yourself?  Would you find the person in the mirror easily accessible?  Does that person share their vulnerability with you?  Begin by having the relationship with yourself that you seek in another.  That act of self compassion will likely encourage the parasites to find another feeding ground, and a whole new world may open to you. 

With love and curiosity, 
Joanne Lutz

Third Option Coaching  

Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative

www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com  

Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803

Photo of Brian Rea's Fear Mural                                 

A "Fear Appeal" is a message designed to elicit fear in an attempt
to persuade an individual to pursue some predefined course of action.

-Wikipedia                                

My husband and I recently returned from our first trip to Costa Rica.  As we prepared for our holiday, we heard warnings again and again.  "You should really be careful; that area (the Caribbean coast) is dangerous; keep a close eye on your belongings for fear of theft; (and my favorite line of all) I've heard of tourists being accosted by machete wielding thieves and because of the extreme poverty, there is quite a lot of drug and human trafficking."  That last one arrived in my email two days before we boarded the plane, and I laughed with glee when I read it.

In every case, including the last, each person was genuinely concerned for our welfare.  The intention of each tidbit was to put us on our guard, so that we would enjoy our trip.  In a way, I suppose it worked.  We were certainly more mindful of potential threats than we might have otherwise been.   Still, we agreed not to attach to the worry or fear that our dear ones were imparting upon us.  Wearing that cloak didn't feel like a good fit.  We felt holding onto a fear mindset would draw trouble to us, rather than fending it off!  So, while we remained aware, we invested no energy in the fear.  (And we had a great time!)

I began pondering the impact of, not just our own fear, but the fear around us.  Fear leads to the formation of serious contracts.  One says, "I don't want you to feel hurt, sad, scared or angry, so I will share with you my concerns.  Then you may do what I believe is best for you, and we will both be spared your hurt...sadness...fear...anger."  The recipient picks up the baton and runs with it as a means of connection.  "Okay, I'll do this the way you suggest.  I'll be afraid the way you want me to be.  I'll ignore hurt the way you want me to.  I'll smile instead of cry or yell.  And then I will have your...love, acceptance, caring...won't I?"

These patterns of behavior are learned as children.  If the unconscious belief had a voice, it might say this, "If I do it the way this person (who is really important to me) wants me to, then (s)he will be happy with me.  That acceptance insures my survival for another moment/day/week, etc."

What happens, though, when the contract does not yield the result we seek?  For a moment, open to the bigger picture.  Daily, we receive messages from political parties, fashion magazines, activists, alcohol vendors, and weight management programs playing upon our existing fears or providing new reasons to feel afraid, that hadn't occurred to us before.  Each message is a call to action, "Now that you're afraid, we have the answer.  Do THIS, and you'll be safe!"
 
How has that been working out for you?  When you answered that Cosmo relationship quiz, did it improve your connection the way you'd intended?  The last time you drank that particular brand of alcohol, were you the most interesting man in the room?  We've all made decisions at one time or another from a place of fear, whether from a public entity that influences our behavior, or a loved one with whom we contract for acceptance in return.  And yet, how often do we get what we sign up for?  

In my personal experience, decisions persuaded by fear rarely work out for me.  The filter through which I'm seeing the world in that moment is both narrowed and shadowed.  However, when I call upon the essential self within, who possesses the ability to find a third option, I uncover my personal truth.  Then, a path opens.  What I find important to remember is this:  fear happens; it's not who I am.   The power lies in what I choose to do with it.

If you're curious about the persuasive power of fear, try this for the next couple of weeks.  First, notice when some internal or external force strikes a chord of fear in you.  Then take a breath.  Mindfully bring your attention to sensations the fear generates in your body.  Before taking any action or making a decision, give yourself a bit of space to ask this question, "If I weren't afraid, what would I do?"  Simply asking the question may call upon your deeper wisdom.  You may find your breaths become more regular, your body relaxes a bit, and even if the path ahead is not crystal clear, you have found an internal ground from which to make a choice that fits for you. 

With love and third options to spare, 
Joanne Lutz

Third Option Coaching  

Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative

www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com  

Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803

Last month my step-daughter moved back home from D.C. mid-year through her freshman experience at George Washington University.  Her mom and dad struggled tremendously with this decision.  She heard everything from, "I think it's a mistake; you should finish what you started." to "You've just got to tough it out." and "No social scenario is going to make my daughter decide that she wants to leave school."  And who knows, maybe they were right.  From my perspective she'd finally dropped in and operated from more clarity than I've witnessed since she started touring colleges two years ago.

 

Teenagers experience such pressure to complete the college applications, get accepted by as many schools as possible, and above all land a space in their "dream school."  And yet, these kids are still new.  They just arrived in the world umpteen years ago and the expectations of and for these amazing young people astound me.

 

All of this got me thinking...this doesn't stop upon graduation.  The drive to look successful, own the best car, make the most money, buy the biggest house, meet, marry, and raise a family with the perfect spouse...goes on and on...uggh!  Where, in this model, is the space to "be" to explore, to allow space for unexpected experiences and not label those as "bad?"

 

I have a friend who says, "If you set an intention for yourself - not an agenda or a resolution, but an intention - and allow yourself to see it, feel it, and smell it, your moment-to-moment decisions will be guided by this intention."  What if that's what we taught our kids?  Heck, what if that's what we created space for in ourselves, because modeling provides a strong teacher, and it would be nice to reap the benefits of our own wisdom.

 

So, here's the mission, should you choose to accept it (yes, I just saw that movie).  For a moment let go of the "should, shouldn't, must, have-to-or-else" language, and become aware of what you might want for yourself.  Go beyond what you think you can have, and allow yourself to fully imagine what could be possible, without all of the expectations you place on yourself daily.  Truly visualize it, feel the air there, hear the sounds in that space, be in the possibility.

   

Then, check in, what did that feel like in your body, spirit, and mind?  If, in that space, you had everything you could ever want, but still didn't feel comfortable in your own skin, it makes sense.  It's new; give it another go.  Open to the possibility beyond what you believe its okay for you to have.

 

And if you're willing, allow yourself a few moments of connecting with those possibilities each day.  This becomes the intention, and the feeling of connection to self and others you experience in your land of possibilities will inform your moment to moment decisions.  Does this mean there will be no wobbles?  Of course not!  Welcome the wobbles, be curious about them, learn from the wobbles - both the lessons they may teach and the new found self-compassion that allows space for other possibilities to come forth.  In turn, there's not an attachment to the intention; there is simply space for it.

One of my mentors used to tell me, "With new information, you can make different decisions."  This notion holds great power for me.  I don't need to attach to a singular path; I have the ability to learn and use that new wisdom to guide me toward my personal intention.  I believe that's what my step-daughter learned.  She has more information now, and with that, she may steer her own ship toward her island of intention.

May you create space for lots of new information to guide you toward your possibilities.

With love and wobbles of my own, 

Joanne Lutz

Third Option Coaching  

Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative

www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com  

Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803

"A life lived in fear is a life half lived."

 -from the film Strictly Ballroom

 
These last weeks, life knocked again and again on the door of my heart that is touched by courageous acts.  I've witnessed, without fan fare, people quietly moving through fear with an unwavering vulnerability - truly, brave hearts.  To begin the New Year, I wanted to share a few of these stories with you, perhaps they will inspire your courage, as they have inspired mine.

Engaged sixty-somethings, who met at a "Young Widow and Widowers" support group, have a close friend (also a widow) diagnosed with a terminal disease.  Over the past year, there have been several occasions when folks gathered around the ill woman's bedside to whisper good-bye.  But she had other plans!

Upon learning a marriage date had been reserved, the friend set an intention for herself: "I am going to that wedding."  To solidify her decision, she went out and purchased a splashy sequined dress for the occasion (even before the bride had bought her own dress).  A couple of weeks before the ceremony, dear friends made the bedside pilgrimage once again, and the woman simply said, "I am going to that wedding."

So, on a gorgeous October day, she donned her party attire with walker and oxygen tank in hand (after taking a couple of pills prescribed by the Hospice nurse enabling her swollen feet to fit into her fancy shoes), and she celebrated with the newlyweds.  Perhaps this sounds more like determination than bravery, and you may be right, but the story is not yet complete.

Our heroine has lost such substantial weight from her illness; the scale reads only 69 pounds.  I learned the other day that she gathered her energies and went to lunch with "some of the gals," and upon leaving, visited a funeral home to make arrangements for her death.  This action rouses wonder in me.  How deep is the well of courage to face both life and death so blatantly?  This is NOT a life half lived.  She eeks out every last drop of living, while remaining in acceptance that death draws ever nearer.  Remarkable.

Another friend, Luciano, recently went out on a limb for a cause he believes in.  The same man I wrote about last March, who created the "Bridge of Roses" project to raise money for schools in Madagascar, decided to take on the Catholic Church.  Well, perhaps that sounds a bit dramatic, but in his way, that's what Luciano has done.

As a practicing Catholic, Luciano expresses very strong views about the ordination of women as leaders in the church.  He's not at all preachy about it, in truth; until he sent me a copy of the letter he wrote to Cardinal O'Malley, I was unaware of his passion.  Never have I witnessed Luciano forcing his opinion into a conversation.  Rather, he simply took action, as he saw fit.  Whether you agree with this point of view or not, I believe Luciano tells the story best.  In turn, you may click here to read his letter.  

What resonates most profoundly about Luciano's prose is where the message comes from within him.  I read his words and heard how he plumbed his own depths to bare naked his truth, and then called upon his courage to share this truth with those empowered to take action.  Action which could be in alignment with Luciano's request, or could manifest as anger directed at him.

What appears to be thematically linked to acts of bravery is the inherent knowledge that one faces the risk of loss...and the fear of the feelings associated with such a loss overwhelming our systems and paralyzing us.

A final example...one of my closest friends lost her 22 year-old son to an unexpected death six days after his birthday in December.  She was immediately surrounded by family and loved ones, who sought to ease her pain.  One option offered was a very mild sedative, intended to help her get through the wake and funeral.

She told me this, "I took a little something for the visitation, though I'm not sure it did anything.  But I intentionally didn't take anything the day of the funeral.  I wanted to let myself feel everything that day."  Even as I write this, my tears well up.  This devoted mom gave herself the gift of her own feelings, even when the pain shredded her.  She gave me pause to remember how I sometimes wish to squelch my own feelings, because I harbor the belief that they will be too much for me.  How lucky I am to have such an amazing model of what's possible.

Acts of bravery come in all forms, both internal and external.  I wish for you a courageous 2012.

With love and appreciation, 

Joanne Lutz

Third Option Coaching  

Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative

www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com  

Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803

My friend, Ed, just attended his mom's 90th birthday party.  In her sunset years, Lil (his mom) has made it very clear that when she dies she doesn't want one of those obituaries that says, "She played bridge and enjoyed crossword puzzles."  Ed jokes, "If we follow her guidelines we're pretty much down to: She was born, lived, and died."  That got a laugh out of me!

 

In the early 1990's I was an apprentice funeral director.  Yes, I did all of those things you're wondering about... the late night pick-ups, embalming, greeting mourners at visiting hours, and helping folks pre-plan their own funerals.  Due to the nature of my work, I witnessed thousands of survivors honoring the deceased they loved.  I learned, the best visiting hours sounded like a rockin' party to an outsider.  And while I never knew the departed, a profoundly personalized funeral or memorial service always touched me deeply.

   

In my years away from the industry, I often attended visiting hours, rather than a funeral, simply because the timing was more convenient.  A couple of years ago, a good friend's father died.  There was no visitation; by default, I went to the funeral.  As I listened to the nephew of the deceased share memories of the man he had known, I remembered the importance of our loved ones stories - it's what makes the service beautiful and personal.  Since then, I've made it a point to attend funerals rather than visiting hours.  While visiting hours provide a venue to support survivors, a funeral provides an intimate experience of the person being honored.  For me, listening to those memories is the very best part; these stories live on beyond the corporal being.

 

At the end of October, my dad died unexpectedly.  I have to tell you, I was really looking forward to listening to someone else's perspective of him...someone who knew him differently than I did.  In my life, I never lived with my father, so I didn't know him well.  And the notion of learning about him and his stories in this unique venue appealed to me.  Ironically, the priest who offered the eulogy never met my dad at all, so the intimacy I genuinely appreciate wasn't a part of his service.

It was, however, a part of my daily shower ritual from the day I learned he'd died right through to the funeral.  Unintentionally, I found myself creating a eulogy for him every day in the shower.  So, in my way, I got exactly what I wanted and needed from the process. 

All of this death activity reminded me of an exercise I tried at an African Dance class several years ago.  At the start of one session, we were given an assignment: "Write three lines about yourself, as though you were already dead and honoring your memory.  What would you say about yourself if you had to write three lines of your own eulogy?"  Remember, a typical obituary will tell you the facts...education, career, survivors...but the eulogy gives insight into how a person entered the world.  For me, this exercise touched upon the essence I would like remembered, and how I've manifested that in action.

As 2011 comes to a close, I encourage you to create pockets of reflective time amid the hustle and bustle of the holidays.  And, if you're willing to stretch a bit, take a few moments to write a eulogy for yourself...the truth of how you enter the world, what genuinely matters to you, and if you died tomorrow, what might you be remembered for?  As always, there is no right or wrong, this is simply an opportunity to remember what you value, and notice how you enact your passions in your life.  If you discover, upon completing your personal prose, that you want to redirect your life's attention to things that reflect more accurately who you truly be, there's still time.  Just like the ghost of Christmas present...you may offer this gift to yourself.

With love and memories, 

Joanne Lutz

Third Option Coaching  

Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative

www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com  

Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803

One of my favorite musical artists, Jason Mraz, recently posted the video, "Bathing in Sound."  A camera follows Mraz, as part of his "In Search of Incredible" project, to the Mojave Desert where he visits the Integratron.  For those, like me, who didn't know, the Integretron is "...an acoustically perfect tabernacle and energy machine sited on a powerful geomagnetic vortex..."  Basically, it's a place where the sounds you make reflect back to you exactly as you've made them; it is considered acoustically perfect.

 

When Mraz first enters the dome and begins to sing, you can see that his excitement falters...just a teeny bit.  Then, as he steps into the center, and nears the floor, he hears his own magnificent voice echoing back to him in absolutely perfect resonance, and he beams.  From the video, the magic of the Integretron seems to coalesce when the sound comes from the grounded center.  The metaphor stayed with me...when we are centered, grounded, and tapping into our unique gifts (in Mraz's case, his voice) what we put out into the world reverberates back to us as a mirror manifestation of our essence.  It's like mailing yourself a love letter...even if it gets "returned to sender" it's exactly right.

 

Within days of watching "Bathing in Sound," Steve Jobs died.  I know...I hear your groan from here.  The media blitz about Jobs has probably left you numb to any more praise or criticism of the man and his inventions.  Bear with me, if you will, as it ties into my theme.  I can't speak to who Jobs was as a man, beyond whatever public information is available to all of us, and other than two iPods, I don't own any Apple products.  So, I don't pretend to be an expert in all things Jobs or Apple, but I find it impossible to ignore his contributions to the world.  When he tapped into his gifts and sent that energy out into the world, Jobs changed how we work, play, and communicate with each other.  He didn't do it alone, of course, but the reverberations of his essence bounced back to him in perfect pitch with every successful product he created and every connection made easier through one of his innovations.

 

I believe we, like Steve Jobs and Jason Mraz, all experience our own version of the Integratron...every day...moment to moment.  When our thoughts, words, and actions come from our core, the reverberating sound is magnificent.  If we're a little left of our own center, the feedback gets a little pitchy.

 

If you've read some of my other columns, you may be asking:  "Is she really telling us to be defined by the feedback from outside?"  NO!  It's still me, silly, and that's never the message I'm sending.  All of us will experience, from time to time, coming from our most authentic self and find that we meet another who's a bit "off key" in the moment.  The integrity comes from our ability to stay present, even in the face of another who may range from "out of sorts" to "off the deep end."  This very presence creates an invitation for the other to come back to himself...in effect, you may provide the mirror of who the person is under the flack...an Integratron of their true self.

For some reason what comes to mind as I write this is a story that Prita Manganiello tells from her life-guarding days.  Before every swim lesson with her students, Prita would remind them that they were all swimming in the same pool.  Therefore, if someone urinated, they'd all be swimming in it.  Her supervisor said he'd never seen so many kids use the facilities during a lesson, as when she taught.

How does this tangent relate?  I believe it truly matters what we put out into the world, because we really are all swimming in the same pool.  And when we offer the best of ourselves in our thoughts, words, and actions, the reflective sound touches us all.  The harmony created by our own essence is beautiful.

Want to experience what you're putting out into the world?  Try this mirror meditation, inspired by Osho.  It's like a mini-visual Integratron, in case you don't have a trip to the Mojave Desert planned.

Reflecting the love, 

Joanne Lutz

Third Option Coaching  

Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative

www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com  

Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803

My husband reads part of a "good for you" book everyday at breakfast.  For two weeks, the book on the porch table was "The Aladdin Factor" by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen.  I stared at it for those fourteen days, before I finally picked it up.  Then, I couldn't put it down.  In addition to some fun and provocative exercises, the book is filled with anecdotal stories of what people believe about asking for help and the amazing things that happen when we move through the fear that blocks us and request what we want.  

 

This read dovetailed nicely with a recent audio presentation I listened to of "Supercoach" author, Michael Neill.  He spoke of the "internal gatekeeper" that lives within each of us.  This voice prevents us from asking for something in anticipation of what the answer might be.  So rather than meeting the real life gatekeeper who guards the castle or sits at the reception desk, we engage the protector within who keeps us from feeling badly about someone telling us "no."  In turn, we simply never take the outward action step to ask for the help, kindness, dinner date, discount, or support we would like.

 

I sometimes have trouble asking for what I want or need.  My internal gatekeeper adamantly holds me back from making the query, particularly when my vulnerability feels at stake.  Other times, I ask but not with my true voice.  Unfailingly, my attempts to morph my language into what I believe someone else may want to hear, rather than what is completely true to me, falls flat.  My experience with Michael Neill's Creating the Impossible program in July was an excellent reminder for me - a reminder of the gatekeeper...the chameleon...and the power of my own true, vulnerable voice.

 

As part of my personal "Impossible" goal, I invited Michael Neill to join The Consciousness Collaborative.  His talent, charisma, and wisdom would be greatly welcomed by the existing members and I believe you, as part of our community, would have tremendous appreciation for what he offers.  In return, Michael would have the opportunity to grow his audience by 10%, simply by saying "yes." 

 

It took me a couple of weeks to get past my internal gatekeeper, even to pose the question.  Once I did, my first attempt at asking him was dreadful!  It almost could have been one of those canned letters you pay for on the internet.  Truly, chameleon mode does not work for me!  

 

Then I had the benefit of working with a dynamic coach from Belgium, studying as Michael's apprentice this year.  Cecile Chabot listened to my enthusiasm, compared it to my invitation, and asked me over and over, "why didn't you say THAT in the letter?"  Encouraged by Cecile's clarity, I sent Michael a private email in my own true voice.  The moment I hit the send key, I felt completely in me.  It was the difference between walking around wearing a sticky Halloween mask and the feeling of a freshly washed face.

The result of my letter to him (you may read it here), was an offer from Michael Neill to host a one hour free teleclass for our community!  This incredible opportunity, while not what I had requested, manifested from the combination of my willingness to take a risk, and Michael's generosity.  If the internal gatekeeper and the chameleon ruled the day, I would not be able to share this exciting news with you.  (Learn about teleclass details and registration.)

Because this process held such power for me, I'd like to share with you a key ingredient I learned to successfully asking for whatever I may want.  I allow myself ask and then let go of any attachment to the result.  By releasing any held expectations, I am free to ask for anything.  Since practicing this mysterious recipe is still new, it feels both daring and fun.  I encourage you to give it a try.  If it helps, imagine you've just rubbed Aladdin's lamp and the genie has appeared before you...now, you do the magic part...and ask!
In my true voice,

Joanne Lutz

Third Option Coaching  

Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative

www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com  

Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803

Recently, a client shared a story with me of the mighty prince and the young peasant boy.  You may have heard it before...if not, you may wish to read it. 

 

The story reminded me that I've often thought about creating a workshop titled, "The Power of Vulnerability."  I wonder who would be brave enough to sign up...including me, if I weren't facilitating it?

We hold such myths about power: "knowledge is power," a man on Wall Street wears a "power suit," our world is powered by electricity, which can be lethal; and yet, what touches you most deeply?  What memories do you hold most dear?  

For the month of July, I participated in Michael Neill's "Creating the Impossible" program.  One support aspect of the program was a forum for participants to post their goals, challenges, and successes.  Of all the folks on the forum, I was consistently attracted to this one woman, who is a coach in the Midwest.  Each time she shared with the group, you could feel her presence, openness, and trust.  There was no shield of protection (power suit), she didn't always have the answers (knowledge is power), and while I perceive her as a dynamo, she shared herself with gentle directness.  For me, she illustrated the power of vulnerability beautifully.  I felt supported by her and she elicited in me a desire to extend support to her.

I believe we often get caught in power struggle rather than standing in the power of our own vulnerability.  The power of vulnerability knows: no matter what happens, we are not defined by anything or anyone outside of us, we simply are.  And each time we stand in that space of being, knowing that we are worthy of love and connection, we share ourselves openly and invite others to do the same.  The power of that invitation...the power of that beingness is a power born of love. 

As corny as it sounds, when we truly love ourselves, we don't feel the desire to have power over another person or a situation.  When we truly love ourselves (and this is a moment to moment proposition), we don't beat ourselves up for what we're not or what we think we are (which is usually a learned label that has nothing to do with you).  So, for today, I invite you to take a few moments and be in love with you.  Appreciate all of who you are so that it fills you from the tips of your toes to the roots of your hair.  And bring that feeling with you, out into the world, and see what happens when you stand in your power.  That's what the boy in the story did and he could not be conquered.

Just before publishing, I found this fabulous TED video of Brene Brown talking about the "Power of Vulnerability."  It's absolutely worth the 20 minutes to watch it.

With the power of love,

Joanne Lutz

Third Option Coaching  

Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative

www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com  

Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803