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February 2012 - Decisions, Decisions

2012-02-01T11:17:00Z

"It's in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped. Choose well."
-Anthony Robbins

Last month my step-daughter moved back home from D.C. mid-year through her freshman experience at George Washington University. Her mom and dad struggled tremendously with this decision. She heard everything from, "I think it's a mistake; you should finish what you started." to "You've just got to tough it out." and "No social scenario is going to make my daughter decide that she wants to leave school." And who knows, maybe they were right. From my perspective she'd finally dropped in and operated from more clarity than I've witnessed since she started touring colleges two years ago.

Teenagers experience such pressure to complete the college applications, get accepted by as many schools as possible, and above all land a space in their "dream school." And yet, these kids are still new. They just arrived in the world umpteen years ago and the expectations of and for these amazing young people astound me.

All of this got me thinking...this doesn't stop upon graduation. The drive to look successful, own the best car, make the most money, buy the biggest house, meet, marry, and raise a family with the perfect spouse...goes on and on...uggh! Where, in this model, is the space to "be" to explore, to allow space for unexpected experiences and not label those as "bad?"

I have a friend who says, "If you set an intention for yourself - not an agenda or a resolution, but an intention - and allow yourself to see it, feel it, and smell it, your moment-to-moment decisions will be guided by this intention." What if that's what we taught our kids? Heck, what if that's what we created space for in ourselves, because modeling provides a strong teacher, and it would be nice to reap the benefits of our own wisdom.

So, here's the mission, should you choose to accept it (yes, I just saw that movie). For a moment let go of the "should, shouldn't, must, have-to-or-else" language, and become aware of what you might want for yourself. Go beyond what you think you can have, and allow yourself to fully imagine what could be possible, without all of the expectations you place on yourself daily. Truly visualize it, feel the air there, hear the sounds in that space, be in the possibility.

Then, check in, what did that feel like in your body, spirit, and mind? If, in that space, you had everything you could ever want, but still didn't feel comfortable in your own skin, it makes sense. It's new; give it another go. Open to the possibility beyond what you believe its okay for you to have.

And if you're willing, allow yourself a few moments of connecting with those possibilities each day. This becomes the intention, and the feeling of connection to self and others you experience in your land of possibilities will inform your moment to moment decisions. Does this mean there will be no wobbles? Of course not! Welcome the wobbles, be curious about them, learn from the wobbles - both the lessons they may teach and the new found self-compassion that allows space for other possibilities to come forth. In turn, there's not an attachment to the intention; there is simply space for it.

One of my mentors used to tell me, "With new information, you can make different decisions." This notion holds great power for me. I don't need to attach to a singular path; I have the ability to learn and use that new wisdom to guide me toward my personal intention. I believe that's what my step-daughter learned. She has more information now, and with that, she may steer her own ship toward her island of intention.

May you create space for lots of new information to guide you toward your possibilities.

With love and wobbles of my own,

Joanne Lutz

Third Option Coaching

Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative

www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com

Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803

January 2012 - Acts of Bravery

2012-01-02T08:05:41Z

"A life lived in fear is a life half lived."

-from the film Strictly Ballroom

These last weeks, life knocked again and again on the door of my heart that is touched by courageous acts. I've witnessed, without fan fare, people quietly moving through fear with an unwavering vulnerability - truly, brave hearts. To begin the New Year, I wanted to share a few of these stories with you, perhaps they will inspire your courage, as they have inspired mine.

Engaged sixty-somethings, who met at a "Young Widow and Widowers" support group, have a close friend (also a widow) diagnosed with a terminal disease. Over the past year, there have been several occasions when folks gathered around the ill woman's bedside to whisper good-bye. But she had other plans!

Upon learning a marriage date had been reserved, the friend set an intention for herself: "I am going to that wedding." To solidify her decision, she went out and purchased a splashy sequined dress for the occasion (even before the bride had bought her own dress). A couple of weeks before the ceremony, dear friends made the bedside pilgrimage once again, and the woman simply said, "I am going to that wedding."

So, on a gorgeous October day, she donned her party attire with walker and oxygen tank in hand (after taking a couple of pills prescribed by the Hospice nurse enabling her swollen feet to fit into her fancy shoes), and she celebrated with the newlyweds. Perhaps this sounds more like determination than bravery, and you may be right, but the story is not yet complete.

Our heroine has lost such substantial weight from her illness; the scale reads only 69 pounds. I learned the other day that she gathered her energies and went to lunch with "some of the gals," and upon leaving, visited a funeral home to make arrangements for her death. This action rouses wonder in me. How deep is the well of courage to face both life and death so blatantly? This is NOT a life half lived. She eeks out every last drop of living, while remaining in acceptance that death draws ever nearer. Remarkable.

Another friend, Luciano, recently went out on a limb for a cause he believes in. The same man I wrote about last March, who created the "Bridge of Roses" project to raise money for schools in Madagascar, decided to take on the Catholic Church. Well, perhaps that sounds a bit dramatic, but in his way, that's what Luciano has done.

As a practicing Catholic, Luciano expresses very strong views about the ordination of women as leaders in the church. He's not at all preachy about it, in truth; until he sent me a copy of the letter he wrote to Cardinal O'Malley, I was unaware of his passion. Never have I witnessed Luciano forcing his opinion into a conversation. Rather, he simply took action, as he saw fit. Whether you agree with this point of view or not, I believe Luciano tells the story best. In turn, you may click here to read his letter.

What resonates most profoundly about Luciano's prose is where the message comes from within him. I read his words and heard how he plumbed his own depths to bare naked his truth, and then called upon his courage to share this truth with those empowered to take action. Action which could be in alignment with Luciano's request, or could manifest as anger directed at him.

What appears to be thematically linked to acts of bravery is the inherent knowledge that one faces the risk of loss...and the fear of the feelings associated with such a loss overwhelming our systems and paralyzing us.

A final example...one of my closest friends lost her 22 year-old son to an unexpected death six days after his birthday in December. She was immediately surrounded by family and loved ones, who sought to ease her pain. One option offered was a very mild sedative, intended to help her get through the wake and funeral.

She told me this, "I took a little something for the visitation, though I'm not sure it did anything. But I intentionally didn't take anything the day of the funeral. I wanted to let myself feel everything that day." Even as I write this, my tears well up. This devoted mom gave herself the gift of her own feelings, even when the pain shredded her. She gave me pause to remember how I sometimes wish to squelch my own feelings, because I harbor the belief that they will be too much for me. How lucky I am to have such an amazing model of what's possible.

Acts of bravery come in all forms, both internal and external. I wish for you a courageous 2012.

With love and appreciation,

Joanne Lutz

Third Option Coaching

Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative

www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com

Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803

December 2011 - Obits and Eulogies

2011-12-01T10:17:00Z

My friend, Ed, just attended his mom's 90th birthday party. In her sunset years, Lil (his mom) has made it very clear that when she dies she doesn't want one of those obituaries that says, "She played bridge and enjoyed crossword puzzles." Ed jokes, "If we follow her guidelines we're pretty much down to: She was born, lived, and died." That got a laugh out of me!

In the early 1990's I was an apprentice funeral director. Yes, I did all of those things you're wondering about... the late night pick-ups, embalming, greeting mourners at visiting hours, and helping folks pre-plan their own funerals. Due to the nature of my work, I witnessed thousands of survivors honoring the deceased they loved. I learned, the best visiting hours sounded like a rockin' party to an outsider. And while I never knew the departed, a profoundly personalized funeral or memorial service always touched me deeply.

In my years away from the industry, I often attended visiting hours, rather than a funeral, simply because the timing was more convenient. A couple of years ago, a good friend's father died. There was no visitation; by default, I went to the funeral. As I listened to the nephew of the deceased share memories of the man he had known, I remembered the importance of our loved ones stories - it's what makes the service beautiful and personal. Since then, I've made it a point to attend funerals rather than visiting hours. While visiting hours provide a venue to support survivors, a funeral provides an intimate experience of the person being honored. For me, listening to those memories is the very best part; these stories live on beyond the corporal being.

At the end of October, my dad died unexpectedly. I have to tell you, I was really looking forward to listening to someone else's perspective of him...someone who knew him differently than I did. In my life, I never lived with my father, so I didn't know him well. And the notion of learning about him and his stories in this unique venue appealed to me. Ironically, the priest who offered the eulogy never met my dad at all, so the intimacy I genuinely appreciate wasn't a part of his service.

It was, however, a part of my daily shower ritual from the day I learned he'd died right through to the funeral. Unintentionally, I found myself creating a eulogy for him every day in the shower. So, in my way, I got exactly what I wanted and needed from the process.

All of this death activity reminded me of an exercise I tried at an African Dance class several years ago. At the start of one session, we were given an assignment: "Write three lines about yourself, as though you were already dead and honoring your memory. What would you say about yourself if you had to write three lines of your own eulogy?" Remember, a typical obituary will tell you the facts...education, career, survivors...but the eulogy gives insight into how a person entered the world. For me, this exercise touched upon the essence I would like remembered, and how I've manifested that in action.

As 2011 comes to a close, I encourage you to create pockets of reflective time amid the hustle and bustle of the holidays. And, if you're willing to stretch a bit, take a few moments to write a eulogy for yourself...the truth of how you enter the world, what genuinely matters to you, and if you died tomorrow, what might you be remembered for? As always, there is no right or wrong, this is simply an opportunity to remember what you value, and notice how you enact your passions in your life. If you discover, upon completing your personal prose, that you want to redirect your life's attention to things that reflect more accurately who you truly be, there's still time. Just like the ghost of Christmas present...you may offer this gift to yourself.

With love and memories,

Joanne Lutz

Third Option Coaching

Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative

www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com

Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803

November 2011 - Reflections and Reverberations

2011-11-01T15:36:43Z

One of my favorite musical artists, Jason Mraz, recently posted the video, "Bathing in Sound." A camera follows Mraz, as part of his "In Search of Incredible" project, to the Mojave Desert where he visits the Integratron. For those, like me, who didn't know, the Integretron is "...an acoustically perfect tabernacle and energy machine sited on a powerful geomagnetic vortex..." Basically, it's a place where the sounds you make reflect back to you exactly as you've made them; it is considered acoustically perfect.

When Mraz first enters the dome and begins to sing, you can see that his excitement falters...just a teeny bit. Then, as he steps into the center, and nears the floor, he hears his own magnificent voice echoing back to him in absolutely perfect resonance, and he beams. From the video, the magic of the Integretron seems to coalesce when the sound comes from the grounded center. The metaphor stayed with me...when we are centered, grounded, and tapping into our unique gifts (in Mraz's case, his voice) what we put out into the world reverberates back to us as a mirror manifestation of our essence. It's like mailing yourself a love letter...even if it gets "returned to sender" it's exactly right.

Within days of watching "Bathing in Sound," Steve Jobs died. I know...I hear your groan from here. The media blitz about Jobs has probably left you numb to any more praise or criticism of the man and his inventions. Bear with me, if you will, as it ties into my theme. I can't speak to who Jobs was as a man, beyond whatever public information is available to all of us, and other than two iPods, I don't own any Apple products. So, I don't pretend to be an expert in all things Jobs or Apple, but I find it impossible to ignore his contributions to the world. When he tapped into his gifts and sent that energy out into the world, Jobs changed how we work, play, and communicate with each other. He didn't do it alone, of course, but the reverberations of his essence bounced back to him in perfect pitch with every successful product he created and every connection made easier through one of his innovations.

I believe we, like Steve Jobs and Jason Mraz, all experience our own version of the Integratron...every day...moment to moment. When our thoughts, words, and actions come from our core, the reverberating sound is magnificent. If we're a little left of our own center, the feedback gets a little pitchy.

If you've read some of my other columns, you may be asking: "Is she really telling us to be defined by the feedback from outside?" NO! It's still me, silly, and that's never the message I'm sending. All of us will experience, from time to time, coming from our most authentic self and find that we meet another who's a bit "off key" in the moment. The integrity comes from our ability to stay present, even in the face of another who may range from "out of sorts" to "off the deep end." This very presence creates an invitation for the other to come back to himself...in effect, you may provide the mirror of who the person is under the flack...an Integratron of their true self.

For some reason what comes to mind as I write this is a story that Prita Manganiello tells from her life-guarding days. Before every swim lesson with her students, Prita would remind them that they were all swimming in the same pool. Therefore, if someone urinated, they'd all be swimming in it. Her supervisor said he'd never seen so many kids use the facilities during a lesson, as when she taught.

How does this tangent relate? I believe it truly matters what we put out into the world, because we really are all swimming in the same pool. And when we offer the best of ourselves in our thoughts, words, and actions, the reflective sound touches us all. The harmony created by our own essence is beautiful.

Want to experience what you're putting out into the world? Try this mirror meditation, inspired by Osho. It's like a mini-visual Integratron, in case you don't have a trip to the Mojave Desert planned.

Reflecting the love,

Joanne Lutz

Third Option Coaching

Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative

www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com

Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803

October 2011 - Beliefs and Babies

2011-10-01T15:32:08Z

Jamie Thurber recently shared a bumper sticker quote, "Don't believe everything you think." I love that! From my teens to late twenties I claimed I would "never get married, never have kids!" And then I married a man with two children. Life proves that bumper sticker's truth again and again.

A week after learning that quote, Beth Sutton told me a story about her one year old granddaughter and their mall adventure. The tale, rich with detail, brought me into the mall with them; through Beth's eyes, I witnessed the fun of crawling under the clothes racks and the hilarity of waving and talking to mannequins, waiting for them to answer or wave back. Her voice lilted with glee as she recalled the experience.

I love my step-children, but I shied away from "lilting with glee." In particular, my step-son, Joe, and I had many tumultuous years. In recent times, though, it's genuinely improved. Years of personal growth work have allowed me to accept parts of myself that I witnessed in him and outright rejected. He provided a mirror of my own anger, vulnerability, and helplessness; and because I hadn't yet found compassion for those feelings in myself, I didn't have it to share with him. I wish for both of us that I had been more present...more able to enjoy him, much sooner.

A few weeks ago, I experienced one of my most tender moments ever with Joe. He became a new father on September 7th. A few hours after the birth, I walked into the hospital room to meet the newest family member. I could tell that the three other grandparents desperately wanted to scoop up the baby and extend a warm welcome. Out of respect for the parents' desire to "let him sleep a bit" the three elders gathered around the hospital's Lucite bassinette to ooh and coo at his every movement.

I found myself completely delighted with everyone's response to this new life. The love that filled the room was palpable, and joy gurgled out of me, a contagion that left us all giggling a bit at our own wonderment. That night, as each blood-related grandparent took it in turn to hold Joe Jr., I stood back, witnessed the love and hoped that no one passed me the baby. Remember...I don't do kids (or babies).

Watching Joe with his son, though, warmed the cockles of my heart. The Dad within loved this boy before he ever took a breath, and this adoration and acceptance is evident with his every relational movement to his son.

Just as I was about to leave on the second night of visiting, Joe, cradling Joe Jr., looked at me and said, "Did you want to hold him? You haven't held him yet." Ut oh. "Uhm, I'm a little scared," I admitted. And Joe kindly said, "It's okay, I'll be right with you." So, I sopped up the puddle on the floor that was my melted heart, washed my hands, and got situated on the window seat, so that Joe could place his son in my arms.

Like a time warp, my body was thrown back to when I was seven years old and my youngest first cousin was born. I couldn't wait to hold the new life in my arms at seven, but I had to make sure my own body was stable on the sofa first. It felt just the same, as I prepared for little Joe.

Once in my arms, I whispered to the little guy, "I'm new at this"...and then, he cried...I'm pretty sure it's just what babies do. But as I attempted to soothe him, my step-son sat beside me, and gently offered encouragement. I can't possibly express how sweet I found this.

I know there's something off about Joe being the adult in these moments and me the novice/child. Yet, I am so touched; I can't seem to get in a dither about it. Instead, I feel filled with gratitude for Joe being my step-son, willing to share his own son with me.

As I said, life proves to me again and again that "You can't believe everything you think." If you've had an experience proving this truth, jot me a note. I'd love to hear about it.

With love and baffled beliefs,
Joanne Lutz

Third Option Coaching

Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative

www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com

Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803

September 2011 - Lamps and Gatekeepers

2011-09-01T15:27:24Z

My husband reads part of a "good for you" book everyday at breakfast. For two weeks, the book on the porch table was "The Aladdin Factor" by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen. I stared at it for those fourteen days, before I finally picked it up. Then, I couldn't put it down. In addition to some fun and provocative exercises, the book is filled with anecdotal stories of what people believe about asking for help and the amazing things that happen when we move through the fear that blocks us and request what we want.

This read dovetailed nicely with a recent audio presentation I listened to of "Supercoach" author, Michael Neill. He spoke of the "internal gatekeeper" that lives within each of us. This voice prevents us from asking for something in anticipation of what the answer might be. So rather than meeting the real life gatekeeper who guards the castle or sits at the reception desk, we engage the protector within who keeps us from feeling badly about someone telling us "no." In turn, we simply never take the outward action step to ask for the help, kindness, dinner date, discount, or support we would like.

I sometimes have trouble asking for what I want or need. My internal gatekeeper adamantly holds me back from making the query, particularly when my vulnerability feels at stake. Other times, I ask but not with my true voice. Unfailingly, my attempts to morph my language into what I believe someone else may want to hear, rather than what is completely true to me, falls flat. My experience with Michael Neill's Creating the Impossible program in July was an excellent reminder for me - a reminder of the gatekeeper...the chameleon...and the power of my own true, vulnerable voice.

As part of my personal "Impossible" goal, I invited Michael Neill to join The Consciousness Collaborative. His talent, charisma, and wisdom would be greatly welcomed by the existing members and I believe you, as part of our community, would have tremendous appreciation for what he offers. In return, Michael would have the opportunity to grow his audience by 10%, simply by saying "yes."

It took me a couple of weeks to get past my internal gatekeeper, even to pose the question. Once I did, my first attempt at asking him was dreadful! It almost could have been one of those canned letters you pay for on the internet. Truly, chameleon mode does not work for me!

Then I had the benefit of working with a dynamic coach from Belgium, studying as Michael's apprentice this year. Cecile Chabot listened to my enthusiasm, compared it to my invitation, and asked me over and over, "why didn't you say THAT in the letter?" Encouraged by Cecile's clarity, I sent Michael a private email in my own true voice. The moment I hit the send key, I felt completely in me. It was the difference between walking around wearing a sticky Halloween mask and the feeling of a freshly washed face.

The result of my letter to him (you may read it here), was an offer from Michael Neill to host a one hour free teleclass for our community! This incredible opportunity, while not what I had requested, manifested from the combination of my willingness to take a risk, and Michael's generosity. If the internal gatekeeper and the chameleon ruled the day, I would not be able to share this exciting news with you. (Learn about teleclass details and registration.)

Because this process held such power for me, I'd like to share with you a key ingredient I learned to successfully asking for whatever I may want. I allow myself ask and then let go of any attachment to the result. By releasing any held expectations, I am free to ask for anything. Since practicing this mysterious recipe is still new, it feels both daring and fun. I encourage you to give it a try. If it helps, imagine you've just rubbed Aladdin's lamp and the genie has appeared before you...now, you do the magic part...and ask!
In my true voice,

Joanne Lutz

Third Option Coaching

Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative

www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com

Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803

August 2011 - Myth of Power

2011-08-01T17:35:30Z

Recently, a client shared a story with me of the mighty prince and the young peasant boy. You may have heard it before...if not, you may wish to read it.

The story reminded me that I've often thought about creating a workshop titled, "The Power of Vulnerability." I wonder who would be brave enough to sign up...including me, if I weren't facilitating it?

We hold such myths about power: "knowledge is power," a man on Wall Street wears a "power suit," our world is powered by electricity, which can be lethal; and yet, what touches you most deeply? What memories do you hold most dear?

For the month of July, I participated in Michael Neill's "Creating the Impossible" program. One support aspect of the program was a forum for participants to post their goals, challenges, and successes. Of all the folks on the forum, I was consistently attracted to this one woman, who is a coach in the Midwest. Each time she shared with the group, you could feel her presence, openness, and trust. There was no shield of protection (power suit), she didn't always have the answers (knowledge is power), and while I perceive her as a dynamo, she shared herself with gentle directness. For me, she illustrated the power of vulnerability beautifully. I felt supported by her and she elicited in me a desire to extend support to her.

I believe we often get caught in power struggle rather than standing in the power of our own vulnerability. The power of vulnerability knows: no matter what happens, we are not defined by anything or anyone outside of us, we simply are. And each time we stand in that space of being, knowing that we are worthy of love and connection, we share ourselves openly and invite others to do the same. The power of that invitation...the power of that beingness is a power born of love.

As corny as it sounds, when we truly love ourselves, we don't feel the desire to have power over another person or a situation. When we truly love ourselves (and this is a moment to moment proposition), we don't beat ourselves up for what we're not or what we think we are (which is usually a learned label that has nothing to do with you). So, for today, I invite you to take a few moments and be in love with you. Appreciate all of who you are so that it fills you from the tips of your toes to the roots of your hair. And bring that feeling with you, out into the world, and see what happens when you stand in your power. That's what the boy in the story did and he could not be conquered.

Just before publishing, I found this fabulous TED video of Brene Brown talking about the "Power of Vulnerability." It's absolutely worth the 20 minutes to watch it.

With the power of love,

Joanne Lutz

Third Option Coaching

Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative

www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com

Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803

July 2011 - Driver's Ed

2011-06-30T14:39:29Z

Learning to drive, the most valuable lessons occurred from behind the wheel when my passenger-teacher provided relevant instruction I could use immediately. One night I was driving from Newark to Wildwood, NJ with a guy who worked for my Dad. Making our way south on the Garden State Parkway he said, "We're going a little too fast." I looked at the speedometer and found myself within the range of normal, so I asked, "How do you know?" "Because the car ahead of you is a little too close." He said that almost 30 years ago, and while I can't remember the young man's name, I remember the lesson to this day. In that moment, he provided a building block for years of driving to come.

Several years later, after I'd moved to Boston, I got into a nasty car accident. My little Subaru (and they were truly tiny in those days) got walloped from behind on Rt 95S by an old-style Impala (a version that could comfortably hold a formal state dinner). My car went out of control, hit a Jersey barrier and flipped on it's side. Held in by our seat belts, my roommate and I suffered minimal injuries; but the car was totaled, evidenced by the tail light kissing the back of the front passenger seat and the wheels in the air. I later learned that the driver who hit us had been drinking. Although this was not his first offense, there was no arrest made, no charges filed, just a bunch of insurance hassles for me to deal with. It was one of those times, when it would have been helpful to have someone next to me offering the accident version of "Because the car ahead of you is a little too close."

At 19, I didn't know to press charges or negotiate a settlement. It never occurred to me to ask for more than what was offered, and the only car I'd ever purchased was now a pile of junk metal holding my Lionel Ritchie and Journey tapes (yes they were tapes, but not 8-tracks!).

Fast forward 20+ years... I have a friend who regularly encourages me to offer a class on negotiation; because now it wouldn't occur to me to accept any kind of service that was less than fair. Whether Panera forgets the chicken on my take-out salad or a vendor doesn't deliver what they promised, I fervently encourage them to make good and often benefit from excellent customer service as a result. I believe my "fair is fair" conviction genuinely elicits a desire for someone to do their best. Win-win.

As I've been working my way back up part of my personal spiral staircase, I've been tending to different versions of my younger self, providing a kind of safety and security for parts of me that didn't experience safety in their own time. Recently, I realized, I needed the me I am now when I was 19, someone to help me navigate that challenging situation with a clear, experienced voice.

In honoring both parts of me: the one who figured it out as best she could (at 19) and the adult me (who helped to negotiate hundreds of real estate transactions and gets a free lunch when they forget my chicken), I appreciate all of who I am and where I've come from. I am extraordinarily grateful for the guidance others have provided along the way, helping to shape my growth and offering a foundation upon which I build every day.

Integrating these parts of self heals the road rash of youth. If my story resonates with you, and there was a time you didn't have someone as competent as you are now to guide you through, allow a little space for how hard that was. With breath and compassion, let that younger part of you know that an adult is present now - YOU. This doesn't mean adults have all the answers! It just means that, as adults, we have the resources to reach out for guidance when "we're going a little too fast."

With love for you and all your parts,

Joanne Lutz

Third Option Coaching

Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative

www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com

Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803

June 2011 - Unfinished Business

2011-05-31T20:18:40Z

I have to fess up. I started writing this column three different times over the past year. Even as I type these words, I'm giggling; you'll understand why as you read.

This month, my step-daughter, Julia, will graduate from high school. Last May, Joe, my step-son, graduated from college. With these accomplishments, they have inked in big check marks for life's list of "To Do's" and marked a new stage of their lives. Not all "To Do's" are as monumental as graduation. But whether you finish folding the laundry, put the final touches on a big project, or bring closure to an unresolved issue in a relationship, a sense of energized fullness follows each completion.

Many support and education programs have the tidying up of unfinished business as one of their foundation blocks. Landmark participants are encouraged to seek out resolutions in relationships when something has been left unsettled, because open wounds fester, and infect other aspects of our lives. Alcoholics Anonymous includes "making amends" as one of its twelve steps - to take responsibility for one's own actions and bring closure to past hurts. The final day of What's Next?! Workshop includes a ritual designed to bring conscious transformation to burdens we have carried, as we step toward our personal growth and true purpose.

If you can relate to the concept of leaving things undone, I offer you a challenge. Take a few minutes and get in touch with just one thing that feels incomplete.

Now, spend the next moment noticing the sensations in your body that accompany the unfinished business. For me it's akin to a soggy blanket hanging over me, drip, drip, dripping as a discomforting reminder. Carrying the weight of this blanket drains my energy and, depending upon how important the matter, can render me paralyzed to accomplish even the simplest tasks.

Next, ask yourself: Do I want to continue carrying this burden of unfinished business? Here's a hint: the default answer is "yes." If you try to ignore, stuff, or dismiss this burden, you already know exactly what to expect - you've been living it, and may continue to for as long as you like. That's okay, just know what you're choosing.

If the answer is "no," are you willing to tap into your courageous self and commit to some manner of completion. This does not mean that the matter is done "perfectly"...whatever that might mean to you...rather, it's a means of taking action to bring about a sense of closure. Here are a couple of simple examples.

Unresolved relationships:

Write a letter conveying all of your feelings, everything that has been left unsaid; then, burn the letter and transform the energy. Letting yourself have a voice is for YOU and affords completion.

Bring closure to a disagreement by speaking your microscopic truth using "I" statements - take ownership for your part of the discord - without blame, simply owning your part.

Long term commitments:

How important is this mission right now? If it is truly a top priority, give yourself 15 minutes every morning to work on it. This may mean 15 minutes of pulling weeds, meditating, or several paragraphs of your novel. Whatever the task, you will feel energized by the steps you are taking toward completion. (If this task appears near the bottom of your list, allow yourself to put it on a shelf and stop carrying the energy-draining burden around with you.)

Notice the milestones as you run the marathon. Each step is a completion. If you only see the big picture, you may feel overwhelmed. Julia didn't get through school by thinking, "just 12 more years" when she was in kindergarten. She did it test by test, class by class, semester by semester. Break your goal into smaller parts and appreciate your every accomplishment to fuel your next step.

If you're like me, you might start an article about unfinished business last May and put it in a file. Feel inspired again a few months later...begin...and move on. Finally, when the marinade is fully infused, you'd write this column and giggle over the irony.

Energized by this completion,

Joanne Lutz
Third Option Coaching
Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative

www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com

Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803

May 2011 - Enemies Closer?

2011-04-29T21:45:00Z

According to Stephen Pressfield, author of The War of Art, "Resistance is the most toxic force on the planet." He defines resistance as self-sabotage and "genius' shadow." Pressfield claims, "To yield to resistance deforms our spirit. It stunts us and makes us less than we are and were born to be."

You know the old adage, keep your friends close and your enemies closer, well, Pressfield might argue that resistance is the enemy, and he'd tell you to get it as far away from you as possible. More than that, he'd warn you to watch for "a parallel peril that must also be guarded against: sabotage by others."

I have a friend who gave up desserts a few years ago. She was feeling great. Between her personal fitness plan and her altered diet, she felt empowered in her body. Ironically, though, whether attending one of her husband's business dinners or having lunch with close friends, she found that everyone strongly encouraged her to have "just a taste" of the cheesecake, crème brulee, lava cake, etc. Pressfield refers to this as "resistance recruiting allies."

It can be hard, particularly on the people we are closest to, when we begin to shine. Instead of feeling the warmth of our glow, they may perceive it as a glaring spotlight on their personal deficiencies. The dessert-pushers are a silly example, but even they may not have wanted to face their personal lack of will-power, and if they could corrupt my friend with "just a taste," resistance would win.

As you create and grow that which feeds your soul, that which is inside of you wanting to burst out, you will not only face your own resistance, but that of those around you. Yikes! How do you move forward, if the people who care most about you aren't supporting your efforts? If your spouse, parent, or best friend feels threatened by your success, does this mean you should fail simply to keep everyone comfortable?

I've learned to ask myself these questions: Do I deserve to succeed? Do I have the right to share and manifest all that I have within me? Essentially, do I have the right to exist? Because, at the end of the day, being all of who I am meant to be is about my existence, just as it is about yours.

As a transition coach, I see this struggle often! Living from the essential self and allowing your gifts within to support the emergence of the most outstanding version of you, changes the playing field. And sometimes it feels like the only two options are to slide back to the old pattern, allowing "genius' shadow" to win. Or shut out everyone who ever cared about you, so that you can have what you really want. Ouch! Both of those extremes sound painful.

Enter a third option: provide an example of what's possible, by living it. Pressfield suggests, "The best and only thing that one artist can do for another is serve as an example and an inspiration." And in her famous quote, Marianne Williamson says, "...as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

So be the beacon! Know that those who are dearest may occasionally behave like the enemy. Remember, what they most want and need to know is that they, too, can live to their full potential. It is their right, as much as it is yours. And every time you beat "resistance" you evidence the possibilities. In that moment, you choose your right to exist, and you extend a hand to those around you, inviting them to join you in doing the same.

I suggest keeping your beloved enemies (who have been recruited by resistance) closer, because the warmth of your glow will shine most brightly on them. And maybe, as you lead by example, it will help to thaw their resistance, too!

Glowing on friends and enemies alike,

Joanne Lutz
Third Option Coaching
Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative

www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com

Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803

April Update - Living on the Ledge

2011-04-01T11:41:00Z

When I was in my 20's I had a friend who would call periodically for me to "talk her down off the ledge." This was code language for "please listen to how I feel and help me to make sense of what's happening in my life." When I felt on the edge, I called her with the same plea. Every once in a while, though, I could sense in her voice a mirror of my own feelings...it's hard work to be responsible to bring someone back to safety.

Ever received one of these calls? A friend who's struggling with her husband; your brother who feels oppressed by his boss; or your child afraid that not going to the best college is going to be the end of the world...and when the call comes...what do you do?

If you're feeling as I did, your mission appears clear. Get him or her in out of the cold and into the safety nest only you can provide. So, off we go, how to accomplish this:

Option 1) Fix it! Find a way to solve the problem or explain how easily he/she can solve the problem by just...hmm...let's pause for a moment here. How do you feel when someone tries to tell you how easy it is to "fix" your problem "if you would just..." I don't know about you, but my teeth start grinding and I tune them right out.

Okay, let's move on to
Option 2) Pat on the head. "Oh, it will be okay, don't worry. It will all work out. You're getting all worked up for nothing." Actually, for me this one is worse than fix it. For me, it feels completely condescending when someone tells me not to feel what I feel. Clearly, no one is listening in this scenario.

Option 3) Help dig the hole that the jumper will land in. This is a case of "yes-ing" someone to death. Agreeing with all of the injustices, how the world is against them, and "the man" has really got control. You can almost imagine yourself watching Dexter and every so often picking the phone up to say, "yeah, I hear ya." Uggh!

In my 30's I experienced a paradigm shift relating to these calls. While the plea might be "talk me down from the ledge," the true request is: "hang out on the ledge with me and be present." This rights the universe on its axis; because, being present means there's nothing to do. I can sit on the metaphorical ledge with hot chocolate and a blanket, and know that my grounded presence creates an invitation for my friend to find his own ground. By listening, being genuine, noticing the patterns of what I hear, and tapping into my authentic curiosity, there is no action to take, nothing to fix, no one to rescue.

I encourage you to give ledge-living a try, rather than attempting to talk someone down off of it. This respectful exchange builds intimacy - even when it feels hard or scary. The connection to yourself and other becomes clean and clear, as each person remains responsible for her own feelings...his own journey.

Looking forward to warm nights on the ledge,

Joanne Lutz
Third Option Coaching
Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative

www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com

Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803

March 2011 - Compassionate Steps

2011-03-02T17:49:00Z

"I believe that love and compassion connect us with our soul and with the soul of our species.

Through experiences of the soul we grow as individuals and we also,

and equally important, contribute to the evolution of our species."

-Luciano Aimar

In the recent TED talk, "Reconnecting With Compassion," I heard journalist Krista Tippett redefine compassion as the "Spiritual Technology" the future of humanity needs to connect us as one human race. She explained that "each and every one of us, frail and flawed as we may be, inadequate as we may feel, has exactly what's needed to help repair the part of the world we can see and touch."

As one of her illustrations of compassion in action, Tippett referred to the work of Jean Vanier, founder of the L'Arche communities around the world "where people with and without disabilities share their lives together, give witness to the reality that persons with disabilities possess inherent qualities of welcome, wonderment, spirituality, and friendship." (quote from the L'Arche USA website) Within my personal sphere, I know several volunteers who serve L'Arche, including the L'Arche Irenicon Board President, Walter Bacigalupo. Walter's service, like all of those involved, is a manifestation of his personal compassion. He extends his tenderness and wisdom to a part of the world he can see and touch.

Without a doubt, we have many within The Consciousness Collaborative Community who extend compassion through their presence and kindness. Simply put, they show up, tapping into their "spiritual technology" to make the world a more connected place. One extraordinary example that I have witnessed in recent years is Luciano Aimar's "A Bridge of Roses" project.

In 2006, Luciano discovered a problem he believed he could positively impact. Because funding approval to obtain basic school supplies was a bureaucratic nightmare, children in Madagascar, where his partner's cousins lived and worked, were often writing their lessons in the sand with their fingers or giving up a primary education altogether to go back to work in the mines. Luciano, believing deeply in the importance of education, decided that, one child at a time, he might be able to make a difference.

Actively beginning in 2007, Luciano raised over $60,000 for this cause, one-step-at-a-time...literally. He founded the "A Bridge of Roses" charity to accept sponsorships for annual walks he made around the world. Every trip was paid for out of his own pocket, and all of the money donated went directly to serve the school children of Madagascar. Over the course of these last four years, Luciano and various companions trekked for over forty days. He finished his final challenge on December 30th, 2010, when he reached the Mount Everest Base Camp and exceeded the $50,000 goal he had originally set forth.

Through Luciano's ingenuity, hundreds of people expressed their compassion by supporting his every step. To read specifically about the impact of this project click here.

Not all of us will match the scale of extroverted compassion demonstrated by Jean Vanier or Luciano Aimar, and still, each of us has the power to be kind, tender, and present for those who touch our lives. The ability to foster universal connection lies within you, and within me. As Genius Catalyst, Michael Neill, says, "Attention is like oxygen. People thrive when they are attended to; people wither when they aren't."

I encourage you to share your attention, your "spiritual technology," with someone today. Through our compassionate actions, we are connected.

Attentive to my journey and yours,

Joanne Lutz
Coaching~Consulting~Referral Resource
Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative
www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com
Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803

February 2011 - Squeezing Lemons

2011-02-01T12:40:00Z

It takes courage to make lemonade. Squeezing the lemons inevitably results in a little bit of juice on your hands, clothes, or face, and sometimes a squirt lands in your eye - ouch! And whether you're making lemonade in the literal sense, to quench your thirst, or in the metaphorical sense, spinning a challenge on its axis into something positive - the result is highly satisfying.

I recently learned of a couple planning a wedding. The bride and groom to-be had a head start on their lives together. They purchased a home, were living together, and felt the time for official "I do's" had arrived. The date was set, a posh hotel in Boston was selected to host the reception, and arrangements were made for food, music, flowers, and other wedding day niceties.

As the wedding approached, previously undiscovered challenges in the relationship revealed themselves. The couple, unprepared to work through these issues together, sadly began the unwinding of their entwined lives. The visions of promise went dark, and with a wounded heart the bride sought her $25,000 back from the hotel, caterer, etc., as there would be no wedding.

Our heroine quickly learned that there would also be no refund! And so, this resilient woman dug out her personal juicer, started slicing lemons, and squeezed. Since the money could not be retrieved, she decided to throw a party. On the day she was to be a blushing bride, 200 guests for $100 each would join her for an extraordinary night of fun, food, and dancing. The hotel, understanding her circumstances, offered an alternative. While no monies would be refunded, she could choose any night they had available, rather than her previously planned wedding date. She selected New Year's Eve - closing out the old and embracing anew.

Word of this courageous party spread from friend to friend. Soon, the guest list grew to 220, which meant adjusting the menu from a sit down meal to a buffet to accommodate the additional guests. Still, the party continued to entice newcomers. Folks, moved by this young woman's spin on a challenging circumstance, provided financial assistance, emotional encouragement, and plenty of people to celebrate with. The notion of starting the New Year, a new beginning, with such grace brought the final tally of attendants to 250. If the venue could have managed the crowd, she easily could have sold over 300 tickets. Together, this merry group rang in 2011 with open-hearted support and smiles on their faces - honored to contribute some sugar to this very special lemonade.

Each day, we face our own opportunities to "turn our lemons into lemonade." We all know the difference between that sour look resulting from a squirt in the eye and the satisfaction of that first refreshing sip. This true story provides me with a powerful model of what's possible, when the chips are down. I thought it might inspire you, too.

Wishing you days of lemonade,

Joanne Lutz
Coaching~Consulting~Referral Resource
Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative
www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com
Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803

January 2011 - Making a Splash

2010-12-31T12:22:00Z

"If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

Nothing like a philosophical "poke" to start off the new year! I perceive one undeniable truth: regardless of whether anyone is around or not, the tree makes an impact.

Making an impact seems to be a sticky wicket for many of us. Consider your own experience. As you walk down the street and meet eyes with a smiling woman, do you find that your mouth starts to curve upward? Do you wonder what's wrong with her that she's smiling at you? Maybe you start to give yourself the once over, because you obviously must have something out of place? Perhaps you find yourself looking away as quickly as possible to avoid the contact? This list could go on for eons, but here's the funny part of this story...what you may not have realized is that the woman is paying a smile forward. Moments before, someone smiled at her, and her lips curved in return, you just happened to receive the impact of her response. Like the vibrations of the tree in the forest, one of them touched you.

If you're curious about how you relate to your own ability to make an impact, imagine you're sitting by a well populated pool on a hot day and you're desperate to flop into the deep end, are you:

(a) the person who jumps in with no regard for the folks around you who may get wet,

(b) the person who walks from one lounge chair to the next asking, "do you mind if I jump in the pool, because I don't want to disturb you, you look really comfortable" or
(c) the person who won't even consider jumping in because you'd rather be hot than face the consequences.

Regardless of which (if any) category you land in, we seem to make a lot of assumptions about the vibrations we create, including the dismissal of the fact that we make an impact at all.

If you could relate to any of the three categories in the pool analogy, you may have a story running about your natural impact. These could be the inner voices telling stories:

(a) Nothing I do matters OR I am too much, so I might as well jump. (the underlying theme for both is: I don't matter)
(b) I will be okay as long as everyone else is okay, so I'll let them decide if it's okay for me to jump. (I'll give my power away to be okay)
(c) Overwhelmed by the potential results of jumping, paralysis sets in. (Nothing is safe)

Does this all seem a little silly? Of course it is - and not just because we're talking about jumping in a pool! It's absurd to believe that we get to have power over someone else's response to us. Every action we take, every thought we think, every energetic shift has an impact, and while we may remain mindful of the fact that we each have a responsibility for what we contribute to our collective swimming pool, no one has the power to alter, control, or contain how someone else feels about what we offer.

The best any of us can do is allow our most essential, clear selves to show up at the metaphorical pool. This includes being willing to honor that whether you jump or not, you have an impact. Remember, the person sitting on the other side of the pool might be in category (d) waiting for someone else to take the plunge first - imagine what fun you could have together!

Inviting you to make a splash,

Joanne Lutz
Coaching~Consulting~Referral Resource
Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative
www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com
Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803

December 2010 - Tripped by Typos

2010-12-01T13:20:00Z

If you read the "Trying Times" column in the November newsletter, you might have been surprised to learn that I now have a relationship with the martial arts. Well, no one was more shocked than me! I love the spell check feature, and use it faithfully, but every once in a while martial stands in for marital and all I can really do is groan.

Of course, I proofread the monthly prose before delivering them to your mailbox each month, but checking errors in one's own work can present a bit of a problem. I know what I'm trying to say, and even when I read it backwards (which is the trick I learned from my newspaper days), I tend to see what I expect to see, just as I saw the essence of "husband and wife" in martial...I guess sometimes it may feel a bit like karate at my house, but generally, no.

So, it got me thinking about what a perfect life lesson this little typo provides. I believe we see what we expect to see. We do it all the time. But because we're living in our own heads with our own stories, we fail to see what truly is, rather we see what we want or anticipate...be it positive or negative; we see what we expect.

There's an exercise we do during the What's Next?! Workshop series that relates to this theme. One person stands still and a partner approaches with an assigned posture. For example, the partner may simply stand beside you, facing you. I have no reaction to this one, as I have no story about what this might mean; but for some, this simple posture evokes feelings of discomfort, judgment, and a strong desire to push the partner away because it feels like they want something. The "still" person feels what they have learned to expect. The pattern of this story has been repeated so many times, the mind/body simply reacts.

My least favorite posture is when someone approaches me gently, and then tugs on me...literally, tugging on my shirt. Uggh! If I believe my old story, I feel that someone is coming to me broken and they want something from me, as though I must "fix it." I feel, not only do I not want to fix anything, but more importantly I am being asked to do something that was never doable - an impossible job. My childhood was filled with adults who had unrealistic expectations of what any child could do, and me in particular. I couldn't cure my mom's schizophrenia, nor was I the cause of it, although I was asked regularly to "fix it" or the resulting chaos. That's what I learned. If someone approaches you tugging, they want something impossible.

Before I worked with what I believed about a friendly tug, I truly believed this was the only possible reason for such an approach. It was my personal typo. Spell check couldn't catch it, because sometimes people do tug a bit, and it doesn't mean there's anything to do or that the only reason to tug is to ask the impossible. I saw what I expected to see, and without the help of a "professional proofreader" I'm not sure when or if I ever would have caught it.

Imagine me coaching people and believing that every tug is a request for me to do the impossible - good grief! How could I ever walk this path, doing what I love, without that clarity? With this, I issue an invitation to you: Be brave! Allow yourself the benefit of a "professional proofreader," be it a coach, therapist, or honest and intuitive friend. Discover what personal typo keeps coming up in the prose of your life story, and how shifting a single letter, like the "i" in marital can make such a difference.

Without expectation,

Joanne Lutz
Coaching~Consulting~Referral Resource
Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative
www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com
Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803

November 2010 - Trying Times

2010-11-01T13:02:00Z

"Birds don't try to fly, they fly" -Deepak Chopra

Do you ever get into a "trying" cycle? You begin feeling like The Little Engine That Could, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can." Personally, I find it exhausting! I wish I could tell you that I catch myself right away and switch tracks to an easier route, but occasionally I just keep trudging up the steep hill carrying the weight...until I don't.

I have a friend who echos the thoughts of many field experts. He says, "Do more of what you love - things that truly support you, and you'll naturally attract more of what you love into your life." He further says, "If you hold an intention clearly, not as an attachment, but as pure intention, it informs your moment to moment choices which inherently propel you toward your goal."

For me,these statements absolutely ring true. When I do what I feel passionate about, engage in activities that I enjoy and support me, and create time and space for the people I love and feel nurtured by, all while allowing space for future possibilities - I'm not trying. I'm not trudging. It doesn't feel like a burden to carry. From this place, I instinctively move toward my visualized intentions, while living in the present moment. There's no part of me that wants to skip over the work I love doing with clients, the richness of growing What's Next?! Workshop,and my continued growth in my martial relationship just to get to the other end of the rainbow. It would be like missing the race just to reach the finish line.

I notice, carrying the load of having to"fix" something or "make it okay" drains me. Whereas, the practice of living each moment for the moment, while embracing the possibilities energizes my being. I believe Deepak Chopra would refer to it as the "Law of Least Effort." In his book, Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, he states, "If you observe nature at work, you will see that least effort is expended. Grass doesn't try to grow, it just grows. Fish don't try to swim, they just swim. Flowers don't try to bloom, they bloom. Birds don't try to fly, they fly. This is their intrinsic nature...And it is human nature to make our dreams manifest into physical form, easily and effortlessly."

Even now, I find myself emerging from the shadow of trying. For a while I knew something was off, but couldn't place my finger on it, like being lost in a construction detour. With support, I returned to the present moment while honoring ancient feelings and memories that stirred from events in my present life. Embracing the opportunity to resolve an old wound is a "Least Effort"action. When we ignore the wound we enter a "trying time." And trying always uses more energy with lesser results.

In the same book, Chopra says, "Every single problem that you have in your life is the seed of an opportunity for some greater benefit in your life. And when you have that perception you open up to a whole range of possibilities and this keeps the mystery, the wonder, the excitement, the adventure alive." My recent smoke screen experiences provided me with a seed. And as we know, seeds don't try to grow, they grow; and the mystery, wonder, and excitement are alive within me!

I invite you to join me inputting the "Trying Times" in the past. Be you, by being YOU! Celebrate your unique gifts and passions, engage effortlessly with people you love, and enjoy activities that support you. And when you hear your internal refrain of, "I think I can," take a peek at your cargo. Then, exercise the "Least Effort" by noticing what you're carrying with compassion and curiosity - within lies an opportunity - a seed ready to grow!

Living the adventure,
Joanne Lutz
Coaching~Consulting~Referral Resource
Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative
www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com
Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803

October 2010 ...not James Bond

2010-10-01T12:00:00Z

Michael Douglas never played James Bond during his film career, but we all learned something about the actor a few weeks ago that makes him MUCH cooler than James Bond could ever be. Michael Douglas believes in bonding!

I admit I may be extrapolating a bit, but I bet if Douglas knew what bonding was,he'd believe in it. In a recent interview with David Letterman on national television, Douglas announced that he has stage four throat cancer. In the final televised moments, Letterman said, "I feel like I wanna do something for ya. Can I do something for ya?" The response was not typical Hollywood. Rather than encouraging Letterman to donate money to a foundation or suggesting that everyone have regular cancer screenings, he asked for a hug. Click this link to see the clip.

Why, you may ask, does this make Douglas more "fly" than James Bond? Because hugs heal. It's that simple.

Studies confirm that heart to heart hugs have a positive biological effect on our bodies. University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill researchers discovered that hugs decrease the risk of heart disease and increase the "bonding" hormone oxytocin. The study further determined that women experienced a decrease in the stress hormone, cortisol, and lower blood pressure. Researcher, Tiffany Field, who conducts studies through the Touch Research Institute at the University of Miami Medical School explains in a USA Today interview, "This is the latest of many studies suggesting humans are 'hard-wired' to thrive as social animals."

The United States is not winning the touchy-feely race, though. One of Field's studies determined that French couples touch three times more in public than American couples. It seems, culturally speaking, we're a bit resistant to feeling good and allowing the healing benefits of bonding. We must not know what we're missing!

Science has proven the very earliest attachment, created through bonding, has a profound effect on our physical and psychological beings for years to come. Dr. Rene Spitz witnessed this truth through his studies. He focused attention on orphanages, where one third of babies who were not bonded with, despite being well fed and receiving appropriate medical attention, died. The babies died because they didn't have a simple biological need met. Bonding is essential to our survival. And when we don't get this need met during our earliest development, if we survive, the results manifest in our future mental,social, and physical health.

If the science isn't enough to convince you to reach out and touch someone, consider what it feels like to be hugged by someone you love. When a person you care about, and feel comfortable with embraces you with genuine openness and heart to heart contact, what happens in your own body? Can you feel your breathing shift? What happens to your face? How about your shoulders?

I didn't grow up as a hugger. I would say it's only been in the past 12-15 years that I've changed my tune. And while I will never save the world like James Bond, I'm healing myself and the people I care about one loving hug at a time. Much cooler, don't you think? I bet Michael Douglas would agree.

Sending you a big hug,

Joanne Lutz
Coaching~Consulting~Referral Resource
Founder of TheConsciousness Collaborative
www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com
Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803

September 2010 - Practice, Practice, Practice

2010-09-01T12:42:00Z

"If you're not using it everyday, you haven't really learned it."

I love this quote. I heard it during a speech at my step-son's college graduation. The phrase conveys a personal truth for me. While I may learn something, unless I am practicing it daily - using it in my life, I haven't fully grasped the teaching.

For example, algebra and Latin seem a distant shadow; but truthfully, there are elements of each that I have incorporated into my systemic knowing for regular use. The information has woven itself so neatly into the fabric of my world; I don't even realize there was a time before I knew it! (read related "Curse of Knowledge" column)

The notion of "using it everyday" extends far beyond school teachings. I remember participating in monthly workshops lead by April Prita Manganiello many years ago. Each time I began to share, my arms would flail in concert with the exasperated phrase "I've done this already!!" And it was true, on some level, in some way I had previously talked about and worked through the issue at hand. So, why was I here...again?

Two reasons spring to mind. For the first, I borrow Beth Sutton's analogy. "Personal growth work is like a spiral staircase. With each step downward, we come closer to our own truth. Every time we work through a piece of our historical experience, we take another step. Because it is a spiral staircase, we notice that the same issue, albeit closer and more clearly, appears again and again. We work with the same themes of our life, but we face them from a new, deeper place within ourselves, with each step." I perceive this as a fundamental truth. Exactly right...except for when it's reason number two.

The second reason relates to the quote. We may work through a personal trauma, and learn that we are not our experience. Yet, we return to our usual habits as daily life strikes again, moving through our days in the same old ways. For example, my childhood experiences inspired my organizational gifts to manifest my inner control freak. With a schizophrenic mom and absent dad, I needed to find a way to make life feel manageable. To feel safe, I assumed that I had power in an untenable situation, and would illustrate it through rigid organizational behaviors. While that never worked, it did mask the undeniable truth that I was powerless in my childhood world.

Fast forward 20 years, to me sitting in one of the workshops I described above, explaining how everything would be fine if people would just fit into my box and follow my rules. Hmph! It seemed I couldn't control my surroundings any more as an adult than I could as a child. In this discovery process, I uncovered why I learned to try to control my surroundings; it seemed like an answer to feeling scared. Then, I accepted the possibility that I might have resources as an adult that I did not have as a child. I recognized, while the controlling behavior protected me from feeling scared, it didn't actually change my circumstances. So, if controlling the world was always going to be an exercise in frustration, I could let it go, right?

Phew! With this new information, I could go out into the world and let things be what they were...without trying to make them what I wanted them to be...umm...in theory. In reality, it took years of practice to integrate this learning into my systemic behavior. Even now, when I feel truly frightened, I might retreat to those learned, rigid ways.

However,I now have tools, a practice, that has uncovered an internal witness. This is my core self who reminds me in challenging situations to: 1) breathe 2) notice if the organizational rigidity that once masked my fears pokes it's head up to be heard 3) and honor that my fear is a feeling, not who I am. This "learned" practice is consciousness in action, and I "use it everyday."

In a few weeks, I'll begin leading the third What's Next?! Workshop series. While I didn't fully understand during the creation of the series, I've come to realize that providing tools to practice, practice, practice is what it's truly all about. We best meet What's Next?! when we are clear and grounded in ourselves. If you'd like support in your personal practice, consider joining me for the series.

With encouragement for your spiral staircase journey,

Joanne Lutz
Coaching~Consulting~Referral Resource
Founder of The Consciousness Collaborative
www.TheCCsite.com ~ www.WhatsNextWorkshop.com
Joanne@TheCCsite.com ~ ph. 617-827-0803